Chapter 1
Prologue
In late March, with just one week left before becoming a high school student, pleasant spring weather arrived, and I lay in bed plagued by a sense of loss.
The distinctive smell of our newly-built house confronted me with the fact that this was now my reality.
My blue mood wasn't because my sister ate my pudding from the fridge, nor because my favorite manga had reached its final chapter.
It was because I had made a wrong choice and ended up in a situation where I could no longer see my first love.
Sigh . . .
I couldn't even tell how many times I'd sighed by now. After all, I'd been doing this for a whole week.
I changed position from lying face down to face up, and stared at the spotless ceiling.
After a while, I picked up a photo from the shelf beside my bed, held it up toward the ceiling, and gazed intently at the subject. It was taken by my sister, who was into photography.
Three years ago, when we were in our first year of middle school, a photo of me and a chubby girl with glasses.
Being shy, she was intimidated by my sister taking photos, hiding behind me and gripping the hem of my T-shirt tightly.
She wasn't good at studying, unathletic, and was a clumsy cook . . . but she worked incredibly hard, wanting to improve little by little.
Wanting to cheer her on, I used to visit her almost every day.
Yo, I'll try harder, so please come see me again tomorrow.
I remember she used to say that like it was her catchphrase.
Before I knew it, I began to find her earnest efforts dazzling.
My heart felt squeezed whenever I saw her. Even after returning home, I'd find myself thinking about her constantly.
I just realized.
This might be love . . .
Having fallen in love, why was I now unable to see my first love anymore?
It was because my dad's job required frequent transfers, and we had to move during the summer break of my first year in middle school.
Over time, moving had become second nature for me, and I felt partings were just inevitable.
But she was an exception. I wanted to stay by her side forever, and she was the first person who ever made me feel that way.
Being separated was painful, but it wasn't to be a farewell forever. It had been decided long ago that we'd build a new house in this town after I graduated from middle school.
So I spent all my middle school days thinking I'd be able to see her again in three years.
But that hope was shattered a week ago when I visited her house.
I found a nameplate bearing a completely different name hanging out front.
There was no guarantee that she wouldn't move, but I hadn't even considered this obvious possibility.
Back then, we didn't have smartphones, so we never exchanged contact information.
If I'd known this was going to happen, I would have figured out a solid way to keep in touch, just by letters if nothing else. The lingering remorse of that mistake had been stealing away my precious spring break.
And above it all hung my greatest regret.
It was that I couldn't keep the promise I had made to her, when she was on the verge of tears as we said our goodbyes.
Yo, I won't cry anymore if you just promise you'll definitely come see me again.
She was out somewhere out there now, waiting for me, and the situation was making me into a liar.
Broooother! Dinner's ready!
I could hear my sister's voice calling from beyond the door, announcing dinner.
I'm coming!
I sat up in bed, gave that reply, and then stood.
I'll stop now.
There was no point in dwelling on what's already passed, because it wouldn't change anything.
I should have thrown away the photo, too.
I was the type who clings to the past, so even when I tried to break ties with memories, I couldn't seem to forget them easily.
I stood in front of the trash can, gently lowered my arm, and tried to let go.
But no matter how long I waited, my fingers wouldn't open.
I'd been struggling with my own fingers for about five minutes now.
I sometimes got fed up with this indecisive part of myself.
Ugh . . . ugh . . . alright, I'd made up my mind! Farewell, my first love!
Just as I was about to relax my fingers, I heard my sister's voice again.
Broooother? Huuuurry up! I'm going to eat two pieces of your fried chicken, okay?
Waaaaait! Seriously, you can't take two! You just can't, alright?!
I quickly opened my desk drawer and tucked the photo into the very back where it would be difficult to retrieve.
I'd keep it as a memento of my memories.
But, for quite some time, I wouldn't take it out again.
◇
Today, I'll be a high school student.
I used to wear a school uniform, but from now on I'll be going to school in a blazer.
Time to put on my tie. Dad taught me how to do it yesterday, and I practiced, so I should probably be fine, right?
I tightened my tie in front of the full-length mirror in my room. Dad had mentioned that creating an indentation below the knot makes it look cooler.
Huh, is it a bit crooked? I was surprised that making that indentation was harder than I expected.
Hmm, like this? Wait, what? That isn't right.
Broooother! Mom says to come down because she wants to take pictures at the front door.
Okaaay!
Well, at least it isn't crooked, so it'll do. I'll give the indentation another try tomorrow.
As I reached for my smartphone on the desk, I suddenly remembered the photo I had put away last week. Come to think of it, I hadn't taken it out since then, and I'd been thinking about it less and less.
